UrbanSkies

I'm not dead

Have you ever run to a goal, faster and faster, and then upon stopping, you realize you've reached your destination and don't know where to go next? It sort of hits you like a wall.

My wall hit me today. As I sat at my desk, I realized that I am done with my jazz appreciation class (most likely getting an A), I'm done with prepping for classes this semester, and I have one more basketball game to work this month. It's bizarre - I have nothing to do. I'm not sure what to do with my time now. I have a list of about 25 actions to take in the next couple of weeks, but I'm not mentally motivated to do them tonight. I want to see a movie or eat a nice dinner (damnit Chase, why aren't you here?!!). And I can only think of a couple of people that would even be remotely interested in going to any of these. Perhaps a lucky one shall receive a phone call once this entry is posted.

WOW, I'm sort of surprised how long it has been since my last update. In fact, all of my other entries fell off the page. How embarassing for me! A lot has happened since then, and mostly I got into stealth work mode. It was a nice change from the normal malaise of my former routine. Moreover, it was a nice escape from the post-election depression that invariably set in. A lot of stuff has happened, and I may post separate entries about different events (but don't count on it).

Obviously the election is disappointing. Meanwhile, Canada shows us again how far behind we are to the rest of the world in civil rights. I may seriously consider moving there if the Federal Marriage Amendment becomes a part of the Constitution.

Here's a hodgepodge of other happenings. My allergies are kicking my ass. Time to stock up on Claritin. I think I got an A in my Jazz Appreciation class. That's awesome. I love my job, and don't regret taking that paycut one fucking bit. And despite the reduction in salary, I almost have my VISA card paid off. And they raised my limit. Sweet! I'm thinking of buying a condo, and need to hop on that pronto! I need to catch up with the many friends I sort of dropped while I was in stealth work mode. Sorry about that. I just dug in and ran to get everything done, and am just now coming up for air. It's strange. I'm not sure if I'm going to Big Bend over xmas break. I want to, but it will likely be ubercrowded, and not sure I can prepare for that by then. Plus I'm not sure of the dates I want to go. That will probably be a last minute decision about whether to pack it up and hike around for 3 - 4 days. Texas is going to the Rose Bowl! WHOOP!! I spent *way* too much time on HornFans the last several days reading about it. I've reduced my therapy time...I go every other week now. I think it's better, because honestly, I feel better mentally. There's still some stuff regarding family b.s., but I'm satisfied casting it aside for now in favor of focusing on achieving greater goals. I feel good accomplishing new victories, and it's about damn time too. I'm smart damnit, and it's about time I start living up to my potential. There's more to go, but I'm heading in the right direction. I need to write more in my off-line journal though. That might help bring some balance to my mental/emotional improvement. In addition to Claritin, I need some Kleenex. Preferably the kind with lotion. Set your TIVO's to record Patton Oswalt's latest standup on Comedy Central. Very funny, and I've seen it several times. Did I return that library book? I think so, but I should double check on that. I got new shelves from The Container Store. They are adorable, and they really help with my organization. My apartment is clean, and so is my car. I wonder if that's any sign of my mental state? Hmmm. On my To Do list is an improved banner for the blog site, with navigation to other pages in my site (yet to be developed). That may be a xmas break action item. In addition, I'm redoing my professional site (which has no content now) to reflect my professional accomplishments and to better market myself. That will be good. Our break at work is only one week long. That sucks! I know that it's better than many others, but I'm a public sector employee damnit! Since Xmas and New Years fall on the weekend, we don't really get those off as holidays, since we'd be off already. I want to see Kinsey, with Liam Neeson. It looks fab. The real purpose of Christmas is to stimulate the economy, right? Bush's cabinet seems to be jumping ship. That makes me laugh heartily. I hate boys. That's a whole entry unto itself, but I don't dwell much on it, so I may forget to write about that in the future. I have ideas for about 3 or 4 more classes I can teach here at work. That will be fun developing those. In fact, our team is going up to Fry's in a couple of weeks to buy books and supplies. That should be exciting. I bought a lot of DVD's, books, and CD's lately...mostly from Cheapo's and Half Price Books. I'm never buying at Borders/Barnes & Noble/Amazon again. It's way too damn expensive. Most of the CDs I purchased were for trumpeter Clifford Brown, who was a fucking genius. I wrote a decent research paper on him for Jazz, and I really love his playing style. Smooth, technical, with a full sound. Brilliant. A Claritin Cupcake would be good right about now. Anant and I are interested in the same condo that we found on Craigslist. That's funny. I bought tickets for the DCI San Antonio Regional in summer 2005. I don't think I've ever bought tickets that far in advance before. YAY! My PO Box renewal is due. So are several of my magazine subscriptions. Which ones should I let expire? Saturn (the car manufacturer, not the planet) sent me some magnets of their new cars in the mail today. They're cute and are currently sticking to the shelves in my office. I have several t-shirts I want to design. That's another xmas project. And I need to get a Texas Rose Bowl shirt at Coop. I need to catch up on recreational reading. And DVD watching. I think I have DVDs that I haven't seen yet. That's unusual. Actually, Justin and Katie got me the DVD of HBO's "Angels in America", and I haven't watched it yet. It's 6 hours long! But I will definately watch it over the break, if not before then. I don't think I spelled "definately" correctly. I always misspell it, and I'm not interested in looking it up on the web at this moment. Cingular sent me some crap in the mail. Why do I get so much junk? My desk is overwhelmed at home. Yet another xmas project. Evan and I had dinner last Friday at Maudie's. Evan is so cute, and such a great conversationalist. I really enjoyed that dinner. =) When is Texas' next home basketball game? Any more this year? Oh yes, next Wednesday, we host UT Arlington. Teehee. Anant and I are interested in the same apartment on South Congress. Can you imagine that two gay men would be interested in the same condo on SoCo? Shocking!! I changed one set of brake pads on my own, but I need to do the passenger side too. Must do that this weekend! And then I need an oil change. But I felt butch changing the brake pad all by myself, and then changing a brake light this past weekend. Why am I single? I can do auto repair! I hate boys! Did I mention that already? Honestly, I can't remember. Are you tired of reading the word "I" as much as I am tired of typing it? Perhaps that's a signal to end this rambling diatribe.

More later. No really. Stop snickering!

Posted by Ben at December 9, 2004 06:02 PM